ACOA

Adult Children of Alcoholics.

I was totally ready for bed, laid down and got comfy. I was following my nightly ritual of watching YouTube videos from the users that I subscribe to. I do this every night before I fall asleep, and I think of these people as my friends. I know that may sound ridiculous to some people, but I see these people share pieces of their lives online at least once a week, and some of them everyday. I was watching one of those daily vloggers, Joey Graceffa, when I felt like I needed to pull out my laptop and write this post. RIGHT NOW. It couldn't wait. Joey was talking about having just come out of a therapy session where he was learning to deal with some of the lasting effects of having a parent that is an alcoholic. I was reminded of a book I read called Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Geringer Woititz. I haven't finished reading this book, and I honestly forgot that I bought it until I watched Joey's video. I wanted to share some of my insights, though I know that the likelihood of Joey actually seeing this video are extremely thin.

As I read the back cover of Adult Children of Alcoholics, it says: "The legacy of growing up in an alcoholic home-- or any type of dysfunctional environment-- can follow us into adult life with negative consequences on health, work, and love. Rather than continuing to allow our actions and reactions to be governed by an unhealthy childhood, author Janet Woititz offers answers on how to recognize, change and prevent the ghosts of our past from deleteriously influencing the present and the future." This is something that I, as an almost 25 year old woman, still deal with pretty much every day. And I think that I will continue to deal with them for the rest of my life. People who are addicted to substances don't realize that they are hurting the people around them. They think that their continued substance abuse only affects them. When in reality it affects almost every single person they interact with.

My parents are the type that never understood why I needed counseling. They didn't get why I started going when I was in college. They didn't think that their choices and actions had such a profound influence on me, that 10-12 years later as an adult that I would seek help. I started counseling when I was about 21, I went for free on my college campus. It helped drastically. Before that I had fallen into a deep, very dark stage of depression. I made myself sick because I stopped eating and sleeping. I didn't interact with anyone, unless I had no other choice. I got up, went to class, came home and laid in my room in the dark. I started cutting myself and being very destructive. I even started to consider suicide. That was, hands down, the darkest part of my life. Not very many people know all of the details of that time. My roommates got the worst of it. I hid it from my family, and I don't think they know about any of it, even now. My roommates were my saviors in that time. They stood by me. They helped me find the courage to ask for help. They went to counseling appointments with me, they cooked me meals, they dragged me out of bed; and they slowly brought me back to health. I stopped cutting, and I started eating and sleeping again.

And as I went through weekly sessions, I worked through a lot of pain, and I found out what it's like to be happy. There was a pivotal moment after I walked out of the counseling center one day, and realized the feeling that was coursing through my being. It was happiness. I had never, in my 21 years on the earth, been happy before.

I'm here to tell you that you can have that moment too. Though times may be tough and extremely dark, keep your eyes on the light and find the happiness. Learn about yourself and how to get yourself out of the darkness. I still struggle, but I have never gone back to that deep, dark place. And I hope I never do. I have learned a lot of things about myself over the last 4 years. And I am slowly learning how to correct some of the behaviors that are ingrained in me after all of the trauma I experienced as a child. But I'm making progress. Every day is a new day, and gives you more opportunities to make steps in the right direction.

If you or someone you know is suffering through any kind of abuse at home, please share this blog with them, or share Joey's video with them. It always helps to know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. It helps to know that someone else has lived through the pain and suffering. It helps to know that there is hope for your future. Here is the website to find others in your area that may be going through similar things, and you can support one another: http://www.adultchildren.org/

I'll give you another update when I finish reading the book. And to quote Joey Graceffa (and Effie Trinket) ""May the odds be ever in your favor". Goodbye!"

Peace. Love. Hanga.